Gaslighting in the Workplace

“No One Will Believe You”

Gaslighting involves a malicious and hidden form of mental and emotional abuse, designed to plant seeds of self-doubt and alter your perception of reality. Gaslighting can come up in sexual harassment claims and other types of discrimination cases. This panel discussed how to spot gaslighting when it happens and strategies for addressing it and preventing it.

A. What is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a communication technique in which someone causes you to question your own version of events.   They make you question your own reality.

B. Examples:

• A colleague says you are misinterpreting another coworker’s behavior (a denial of your perspective on events).
• The gaslighter says they never got the presentation that you turned in on time.
• The gaslighter makes a racist or sexist comment only to condemn it when other colleagues do the same thing.
• The gaslighter borrows and replaces items on your desk without asking.
• The gaslighter swears they are taking action on something when they are not doing anything.
• The gaslighter says its fine to skip the morning meeting but then sends an email asking about your whereabouts.

C. Signs You Are a Victim of Gaslighting:

• You hear persistent negative accounts of your performance.
• You hear the suspected gaslighter publicly say negative things about you.
• You hear negative, untrue gossip about yourself.
• You find yourself questioning your perception of reality at work.
• The suspected gaslighter belittles your emotions, efforts, or perceptions.
• You are excluded from meetings or events relevant to or required for your job.

D. Ask Yourself These Three Questions To Identify a Gaslighter:

1. Is this person trying to dominate and control situations and conversations?
2. Is what they’re saying actually not true?
3. Is the gaslighter breaking societal norms and rules by shaming, humiliating and essentially bullying you?

E. Strategies for the Employee Dealing with Gaslighting:

1. Document everything. Keep a diary; write down what was said or, if its over email, keep copies of the emails on paper or in a non-work account.  Recap conversations in writing.
2. Report the harrassment: Use the proper corporate methods for reporting harrassment.
3. Be direct. Try to address the gaslighter directly, but be prepared for them denying it and trying to retaliate.  Document the conversation.
4. Talk to a colleague you can trust.
5. Maintain professionalism.

F. Strategies for the Employer for Dealing with Gaslighting:

1. Investigate all claims and document the investigation.
2. Determine if it is an isolated personality conflict between two people or if the gaslighter does it to more than one person.
3. If the incidents are isolated, consider separating the employees, if possible, and counsel and discipline the gaslighter.
4. If the person is a serial gaslighter, consider appropriate counseling and discipline, including termination.
5. Educate your HR team on how to recognize gaslighting.